Lucky Dog, Lucky Dog

The other day I came home and, after plugging ol' Bertha in, I found this bucket by my front door. I'm embarassed to tell you that I read the outside and looked around for ice melting. I then opened it and fully expected to see a bucket of water. 'Cause what else do you get when ice melts? But no, inside were a bunch of crystals. Obviously meant to melt ice but I was still confused. Was I supposed to do something with it? No one else had a bucket in front of their place. So I tracked down the owner and asked him and he tried not to laugh too hard at me. Apparently it's there for communal use and my apartment is just the central location. I wish they'd dump some in the damn parking lots around town. They're all covered in ice and one of these days, I'm goin' down. Hard. Pushing my grocery cart across it this afternoon was a whole new experience. But, I'm happy to report that you do get used to the cold. Today was about 13 and I was in sweatshirt. Just running errands of course. If I were spending any amount of time outside I'd probably be in that butt ugly coat.

Something very exciting happened to me today. I found a micro-brewery AROUND THE CORNER!! How have I not found it 'til now? I don't really know but I must've been a very good girl this year and Santa has granted me a Christmas miracle.
Don't worry, I'm not getting SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and trying to drink it away. One of these is for the Kasches. Honeymoon Heffe is described as "A true marriage between German and American styles" Pefect for a married German and Pennsylvanian. The otther is for next week when the parents will be here for Thanksgiving. On second thought, maybe I'll just crack that jug right now.

And remember the cranberries I picked a few weeks ago? Well, they are now Orange Cranberry Walnut Muffins. Quite good if I do say so. As you can see, I couldn't wait.
Ok, it's 6:45. Now what?

There is a sentence that echos to me through my past to which I give a lot of thought and loose a little sleep: "You should've been there."
I wasn't there when a good friend and father figure died many years ago. We knew he was dying and he and I had said our goodbyes. It was a painful but beautiful and healing thing and I felt he and I had an understanding. But, in the last few days the family tried to get ahold of me. I lived out of state and was young and dumb, all over the place, unreachable. I didn't know they were trying until it was too late. "You should've been there." Is what his son said to me when we spoke. And ever after I wondered if I had been selfish, if my friend had felt a need or a loose end because of my actions.
Today a friend of 17 years is getting married and I'm not there. We'll have many opportunities to be together over the coming years but this day can never be repeated so I give a lot of thought and loose a little sleep over whether or not I made the right decision. Will that sentence keep hanging in my head? The only thing I regret about this decision to move is the fact that I am absent from the celebrations that are important to my loved ones.

*I wrote this post awhile ago and then abandoned it. Lately some more serious things have been happening at home to make me feel this way and another post reminded me of this one. All I can do is send my love and support and remember that my friends appreciate it, no matter what form it comes in. Here's a quotation my aunt just emailed me which I really enjoyed.

'May today there be peace within. May you trust
that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith in yourself and others.
May you use the gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with
yourself just the way you are. Let this
knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your
soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and
love. It is there for each and every one of us.'

I can't wait to get a ride to California

Making a CD for the little one back home. She's upset that I'm gone so I wanted to make her some thing personalized. Hopefully the other three don't get jealous. So far I've got some Coldplay, Spearhead, and Sugarland. I don't know that Paper Tongues is appropriate but that's what Aunties are for.
Last summer Spearhead played a free concert at Golden Gate Park called Power to the Peaceful. I really wanted to go but I didn't think I could get out of my summer clinic on time. I ended up getting there in time to climb down a steep, makeshift dirt trail into the little valley where the concert was and hear this band. Everyone around me was dressed in SF hippie couture and there I was, in my professional clinic clothes with dirt in my damn loafers. It was an awesome set and everyone was high on the hope for political change. I don't often side with the hippie crowd but that concert just seemed to bring out the love. Just one of those SF moments, I guess.
Other than that, I got nothin'. Except this post from one of my faves, Broke Ass Stuart, about one of my other faves,
Bob's donuts. I can't wait to walk the old 'hood in December!

Trailer Trash

Ok, so. Long ago and far away, I did a short stint in a trailer park in Ocean Park, WA. The managers were a couple in their 60's, madly in love, and living life the way only royal fuck-ups who have seen the light and know it's coming for them can. Both were on their second or third marriage, both had grown kids in other states, both loved nothing more than a practical joke and to take in the area's strays (me and my rotten friends included). Kay was a mean cook and a believer in tough love. Ivan's favorite thing to do was convince visitors to moon passers by from their living room window. It overlooked the main roadway through the park and he could start some juicy gossip that way. On a good day he'd get 3-4 people standing up on the couch, their bare asses pointed at unsuspecting RVers.
At night, the older folks in the park would come down to the house to cook up a seafood feast and sip on some wine. I crashed the party whenever I could because the colorful jokes and stories never stopped and I loved listening to them. By the end of the night my cheeks would hurt from laughing so hard. I was hoping to capture some of this magic with the Empty Nesters Club. Not so, Hawkers excluded. Nice people, but maybe not the types to find random nakedness, dirty jokes and elderly abuse (i.e. getting 80 year olds drunk for comedic relief) amusing. To be fair, I don't think anyone could live up to those memories.
I'd post a picture of the lean-to I rented that summer or the group on our elk hunt but those are in a dank basement in CA. Here's one of the happy Pollack himself. That's a Winston in his hand. Smokers take note: he died of emphysema later that year. Maybe you should quit now.

Weekend Update

I have to be quick, I have a group in five minutes.
I do not fit in with the Empty Nesters. More later.
Men Who Stare at Goats is dumb.
I made another friend, thank you, Facebook. We might go skiing on a frozen lake next weekend.
It was -18 degrees this morning. What the hell?

Last night my friend in Portland asked me over the phone what it would take to make me stay here. I said three round trip tickets to California a year.
This morning my supervisor asked me what it would take to get me to stay here. Basically he told me if there's anything I want, all I have to do is ask. He's the second person this week to say that. Why did I not ask for a laptop? Still no power on the old 20 pound Toshiba but a new charging cord should be in the mail. We were standing in the snow covered school parking lot and a moose wandered by across the street. I basically acted like one of my ADHD first graders, blurting things out and jumping around so that pretty much killed the conversation and helped me dodge all commitments. I seem to be good at that.
Seriously though, this district is amazing. I'm not sure I'll ever find better but I'm also not sure I can continue to be so disconnected from my family and friends. I AM liking the snow so far but it's day three so we'll see how I feel on day 33 or 93.
Happy Friday!

Socks

Just one of the little differences in my life lately. Used to be, I thought socks were a wate of space and an annoyance on laundry day so I boycotted them. Now I'm eyeing thickness and wool blends like fine jewelry (or something else that people covet).
This morning I wore my snow boots fer realz and I have successfully driven to and from work for two days in the snow with no mishaps. Lets keep our fingers crossed, folks.
Another big difference? Instead of hitting the streets of SF with hot, young twentysomething friends, I'm now vying to get in where I fit in...the empty nesters club. So what if I'm a generation younger and never had a nest to begin with! People who know the ups and downs of life are my kind of people. Lets just hope they let me in.